Sonnet #326
I question the evolution of emotion
Cities and suburbs, real and imaginary.
I question the evolution of emotion
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I found the lamp; the genie came and granted
The three wishes, and I thought about my son
Who is not yet three, and what could be won
By one so young: to have his moment supplanted
With whatever whim he has, a tv show perhaps,
A giant garbage truck that changes colors on command
He pretends to cook ravioli so he’ll have that on demand
And in thirty years, he would tumble through his mishaps
And ache at all the pain he brought upon himself
By spending all his power on the whims of youth -
I have the lamp; The universe is mine, what else?
Control of others? A power to change the truth?
Just toys and fancy. Hold mine unspent, three prayers
I am too young, we are all too young, to wish into the air.
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No sonnet sits upon this place to make
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From all the darkness that I gather
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Nothing prepares us for a restless night
We expect — we always expect — to dream
Expect to wake refreshed and stretch the light
But when the air is still and calm and we seem
Unable to breathe inside of it, unable to settle
It always comes as such a surprise, a gift of time
In darkness, a gift where we are left to wrestle
Out the ransoms of the daylight, scrape the slime
Off our psyche, read a book, go for walks, be still
Here is the restless hour, the long night, ticking clocks
Alone in this limping, humid storm-swept swell
To think and think and think until the mind is locked
And the windows finally shut, and night guests ramble
Until their voices stop, after the party, and words untangle
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For love, I trim my beard outside,
So little hairs don’t clog and mess the sink
I use the sliding glass as mirror where I think
The neighbors cannot see me, as I hide
Without a shirt, electric clippers whine and chew
And soon my beard is through, this bits of me
Tumble all about the deck, and they blow free
Where I know the birds and mice will gather through
And make their nests in my lost beard, I’ve seen them
Tossed them from an old galosh I forgot in the porch
Swept the empty nests away from under pots and when
I see the sparrows in the field and know how we touched
The field mice in the cinderblocks bravely
Stealing in my garden, we are connected, all of us
To I who plant and mow and shave and live and rust
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All the places I have slept are always here
In the Dreamtime, I can feel the ache of camping
And the unsettled damp of motel mattresses where
I could not quite escape the musk, also stamping
down the exposed springs of dormitory beds
my body remembers every couch and hospital
Amy body, in the Dreamtime, knows when instead
Of waking from my dreams, I stay in them all
So ask me how my back aches and my knees groan
And I will say that when I sleep all sleep remembers
The lost lovers, whose beds became so cold, the stones
Beneath my back when I napped in a park, December
Comes, and my dreaming power grows, every memory
Of mattresses stacks upon the pea of self, I wake from every
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Soon every mountain will become a carved thing
A head or pressing heroes or marching men with flags
Every face of rock is just a canvas, ready to ring
the greatness of the dead forever out of rocky slag;
Since every stone will be carved to be memorials,
naturally, the birds and insects will evolve --
they dance already on the statues in arboreal
parks, and will someday specialize where stone dissolves
into faces, and every nostril is a nest, and every strong chin
overhangs a shadow, shelters stone birds and insects
these future natives of a country all built of memory,
will erode it, in time, where excessive breeding breeds neglect;
The storms will come, and earthquakes, too, and scatter
all these great men dead in echoless shatters
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Dog barking in the night, I know this song
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The squirrel thirsts enough to chew upon
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They’ll remember how you make them feel
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On my porch, a cat has taken land that was not his
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To love a wild bird is to love without
that love returned for birds are scared
of us, at best, or steal what we might share
Because we love the way they fly about
The place: they sing and paint the sky
But will we sacrifice for them? We will
Put out seed perhaps, or plant a hedge they fill
We keep the pets in at the fledging time;
Do we let the bugs swell in number?
They eat the bugs -- They need them --
Do we let the dead wood stay there
and fill the grass with flowers? When
mosquito sinks her tooth we spare her?
Birds eat them. They need them. So do we?
Would you dare allow the blood to spill for free?
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Indifferent to the fascist state, the wild pigs
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The spirits of the night take feline form
Or perhaps a rodent, either way, they move
Where their spirit moves them, and they love
Where their musk is ripe. I hear the storm
Before I see it, the flush of birdsongs in the dark
The stars that dance between the clouds
The streetlights mute and hush and proud
A spotlight on every avenue, a chorus lark
The sunlight curtains all the narratives of night
I hear the storm before I see it, where lost
children wander in the street, unbroken bright
And the drifting papers of the world, the cost
Of doing business in a neighborhood, that shite
That blows around, and where's that storm? Is it lost?
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The time the grapes are ready is the time
The mockingbird comes hunting in
The tangle of the vine and trellis lines
A dart and hop and hunt and climb
I see the bird and he sees me, we speak
A language of possession old as life
In a glance, he says the world is strife
And all he sees is ripe is life, he takes
So I allow and see him take and when
He’s full, I clean a bucket, and some shears
And take and take and take and then
When he returns to vines he wears
The gaze of loss, where once was friend
And all the grapes are mine. And he stares.
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I have a kind of restlessness that wakes
Me up before the dog, like a possum
I wander in the dark outside before daybreak
And sweat away the anxious dreams that come
When I am still awake, they chase me down
The street, and hide in shadows, passing cars
I hear the bad dreams barking and forlorn
Against the fence line, and the black fast dart
Of cats, all black in streetlight shadows, racing
Under cars, I walk until my dreams don’t hurt
Or at least until my legs hurt more, from pacing
They follow in the darkness, cling upon my shirt
Bad dreams, bad dreams, I wish to negotiate
A peaceful treaty, we’ll break bread on broken plates
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