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Sunday, May 20, 2007

the seven day banana waffle recipe

this recipe takes seven days to complete, otherwise the bananas will not be ripe enough to adequately waffle.

one must be careful in how one plans use of the bananas, otherwise no delicious banana will survive to the glorious seventh day.

ingredient list

10 slightly green bananas
2 large mangoes, one of them ripe, one of them green
a whole heckuva lot of oranges (any breed will do)
1 little carton of berry (blackberry, strawberry, blueberry, cranberry, etc.)
1 medium carton of cottage cheese
1 large carton of vanilla yogurt
½ pound of crushed walnuts
spray-on butter for your waffle iron
1 box of pancake mix.
at least two eggs
a waffle iron (I find it’s easier just to throw them away after one use. they are such a pain to clean.)
1 jar of peanut butter
1 loaf of wheat bread.
1 carton of vanilla soymilk (people who hate soymilk are allowed the use of whole milk, or some form of cream. if you use rice milk, however, your waffle iron will explode in a ball of fire that consumes your entire house.)
vanilla extract
nutmeg
cinnamon
ginger

day 1: since you purchased green bananas, you should be able to withstand the temptation, as we all know green bananas taste like their own peel.

day 2: combine a banana and an orange in cottage cheese for a delicious breakfast

day 3: put one banana in a smoothie with the mango and the berries

day 4: go ahead, eat a banana. you know you want to. but only eat one.

day 5: using one of your bananas cut in twain, prepare two lovely peanut butter and banana sandwiches on whole wheat bread. serve with a cool glass of vanilla soymilk.

day 6: aren’t you glad you don’t have to eat a banana today after all those bananas? chop up a couple oranges into some cottage cheese or vanilla yogurt. count how many bananas survived the week.

if you’re anything like me, you have exactly three bananas left, and boy are they looking ripe. congratulate yourself for carefully planning your banana consumption to ensure that you would have three delicious bananas left for your morning of banana waffle glory.

for the love of all things waffle don’t chop up those delicious bananas into vanilla bean ice cream with walnuts and maple syrup!

day 7: it’s waffle day! aren’t we all ever so excited!

take the 2 bananas that have survived the week. peel them, and mash them up into a gooey delicious mound of banana.

add:
1/2 cup of vanilla soymilk,
a dash of cinnamon,
a dash of ginger,
a dash of nutmeg.
a teaspoon of vanilla extract
two eggs
two cups of pancake mix

stir vigorously.

depending on the size of your bananas and the weather, you will have to adjust the levels of milk and pancake mix to ensure the right consistency of waffle. as you develop your skill as a waffler, you will learn how to recognize the right “feel”.

spray your waffle iron with your spray on butter (also, and an important aside, never use this stuff as deodorant in a pinch. it feels really gross if you start to get a little sweaty, and butter doesn’t attract the ladies like you think it would. odd, I know, but the ladies don’t like the guys that smell like butter.)

plug your waffle iron in and make sure it’s getting hot.

use your waffle according to the instructions. don’t worry about how you can’t find those instructions right now. as you are digging for the instructions, the waffle iron will have plenty of time to heat up.

now that you have found the instructions, note how much waffle batter is supposed to go in each waffle spot, and how long that is supposed to take. after all, each waffle iron is a little different.

after each round of waffle, spray the waffle iron with the spray-on butter.

final steps: dice up the remaining, very ripe, mango, also if an orange survived 7 days (they never do) then use that as well. serve the banana waffles topped with diced mangos, crushed walnuts, and vanilla yogurt.

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